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| (Today's going to be a bit heavy...) |
WARNING: This post discusses sensitive content regarding suicide and mental illness. Viewer discretion advised!
The timing on this post is actually coincidental, as September is National Suicide Awareness Month.
To any reader who may suffer from suicidal ideation or self-harm, please reach out for help. It's okay not to be okay, and it takes a team effort to get help. No matter how hard it is. You are strong and didn't come into this world just to hurt yourself. Learn more in the "Why This Case Matters" section. <=) - 97
Most of my true crime posts end up heartbreaking because a victim unfairly died, doesn't have their identity back, or their killer has evaded capture. Maybe some combination of all three. But in this post, you'll be feeling gut wretched because of a single suicide note. It's one of the most depressing and touching John Doe cases I've read about.
I would also like to preface I am not suicidal, nor have expressed extreme desire to hurt myself. There have been especially low points in my mental health, but overall, I don't think I'm in crisis. This case mainly hits hard for me not just at the fact this boy committed suicide, but mostly how he described himself.
This is the case of Plaquemines Parish John Doe (1975), also known as Belle Chase John Doe.
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| Plaquemines Parish John Doe (195? - 1975) |
To Tree or Not to Tree
Belle Chase, Plaquemines Parish, Louisiana. On Valentine's Day, a couple were driving through the woods on a road between Highway 23 and Mississippi River. That's when they discovered a terrible sight- someone hanging from a tree. Upon calling authorities, it was found it was a man hanging from a persimmon tree to be specific. He had tied a bed sheet into a slipknot and hung himself.
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Contemporary image of a wooded area in Belle Chasse, similar to where the decedent was found
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He was estimated to be White and in his late teens, around 16 to 18, 6', and about 150 to 160 pounds. He had only been dead for a few hours. He had short brown hair and brown eyes, with a slight buck tooth.
He was also fully clothed, wearing a maroon and yellow long-sleeved Puritan knit shirt. He also had a brown belt with blue Arrow pants. Interestingly enough he wore mismatched socks, one gray and one dark blue. And even more strangely, he wasn't wearing shoes.
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| Puritan shirt similar to what PPJD was presumably wearing (not actual clothing or approximation) |
The other noticeable thing at the scene was a jar filled with note paper, which revealed itself to be a lengthy 4-paged suicide note addressed to his parents. The content of the note proved to be absolutely melancholic, and revealed the tragic mindset of the suicidal teenager. Keep a box of tissues nearby as we read it.
(Note that not all of the note was released by the police.)
In His Own Words
"Mom and Dad,
You have provided be excellent advantages and privileges and experiences. I am extremely grateful for all of your sacrifices, time and support. I am now repaying you with an arrogant act. In this light, I do see it as criminal. I can only hope that you see that it was me who caused it. I never did develop into a real person and I cannot tolerate the false and empty existence I have created. It is best if I cease to live, quietly, than risk that later I will break and shatter by violence or linger years under care. I implore you to see a psychiatrist in order that you might understand my death and my life. Ask thoroughly about what I was and you will see that it is not tragic that I am gone but more natural than if I continued.
I was born with a definite pervasive melancholy. What frustrated me most in the last year was that I had built no ties to family or friends. There was nothing of lasting worth and value. I led a detached existence and I was a parody of a person-literally and figuratively. I didn't tell jokes-I was a joke. I am a bomb of frustration and should never marry or have children. It is safest to defuse the bomb harmlessly now. I do not want to bother with being a "reformed and cured" person limping through life. I am this self-centered.
I have wanted to do this for over a year. I am not sad or see this as tragic. I feel a release. This is the only way I know to attain harmony. I was a withdrawn baby who became an unpleasant, withdrawn person. I have convinced myself and others that I am not capable of being an asset to society. I am no longer interested in the world and know that it is not interested in me. When you stop growing you are dead. I stopped growing long ago."
That last line was cited from philosopher and psychologist Emile Durkheim's writing, then added this note for authorities:
"You are bound to preserve domestic peace and order. If you pursue who I was (and spend hundreds of dollars) you will accomplish little. There are no legal consequences of my death or any kind of entanglements. All that can happen is that you will shatter the domestic peace and order of two innocent lives. Do not deprive them of the hope that their "missing" son will return. Let me be, let it be as if I wasn't ever here. Simply cremate me as John Doe."
- Plaquemines Parish John Doe (1975).
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Only known picture of his actual suicide note
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Well, do you suddenly feel like bawling your eyes and wishing you could hug him? I did.
A Cry-Worthy Case
Unfortunately, aside from the facial reconstruction, his description, and what was released of the suicide note, it's unlikely this case will actually be solved for two reasons:
First of all, all reports, records, and documents from this case were tragically lost and presumably destroyed in a hurricane. There have been no report anything from the case survived from the Plaquemines Parish Sherriff's Office or Coroner's Office. (Some speculate this to be "divine intervention".)
Secondly, as requested, he was cremated, then buried in an unmarked grave at a cemetery in Gretna, meaning his body has been lost and his DNA is unavailable. 50 years later, and PPJD remains unidentified. And it may be like that forever. His parents he delivered the note to are likely deceased as of writing. And with that, the heart-aching mystery of PPJD remains open. As a result...we are left to speculate.
Theories - Suicide Note & Mental Health
So, with what the suicide note reveals on the mind of PPJD, there have been many theories on his life, death, and possible identities. I'm going to go through some of the most interesting ones, ranging from minor to shocking.
Let's start by further speculating about PPJD's mental and emotional wellbeing. I feel there was a good chance PPJD was suffering from a mental illness or disorder at the time of his death. We obviously can't officially diagnose PPJD based off a suicide note alone, but considering the language he used and committing to suicidal ideation highly suggests he had something, most likely depression. I mean..."I was born with a definite pervasive melancholy."
Many believe he also may have had disorders which often have a byproduct of depression or self-loathe, such as autism. Lines about his suggested explosive behavior like "I will break and shatter by violence" could suggest he had mood swings resulting from say, bipolar disorder. Many people suspect he had these conditions. His self-isolation could hint at anti-social traits as well.
Some other theories people suspect is that he may have been someone of the LGBTQ+ community and was felt like a freak for this. Some also think he may had more serious conditions, such as being psychopathy, sociopathy, or schizophrenia. He also could've indulged in drug misuse. I feel these are interesting theories, but there's not as much weight behind them to be likely compared to the other illnesses I mentioned. If we find out more about the life, we could figure stuff like this out.
Theories - His Life & Death
Now let's get into some ideas on what happened to PPJD, since the actual details of his death are cryptic. You may recall one weird detail upon discovery was that the boy was only found in his socks, and no shoes were recovered. Why this is was unclear; there's no reports of signs he walked to the tree he hung himself in his socks, as I feel they would be very dirty or murky. And it's also just a weird decision because the rest of his body was clothed.
One theory I briefly read online explains that maybe he had wore shoes as travelling, but the shoes were lost during what is known as "death throes", or more scientifically, "cadaveric spasms". This is basically during the very last stages of life where the body begins to violently shake or twitch, often after the victim has lost consciousness. It's possible his death throes as he asphyxiated from hanging himself resulted in his shoes falling into the murky water below him, and they weren't recovered.
I think that also could tie into a theory I made myself- that the boy might've left his house in a rush. I feel like the different socks thing isn't even that weird; I frequently wear mismatched socks, and I bet you have done that too. Often while rushing. So maybe he just absent mindedly chose incorrect socks while dressing up, and during his rush he didn't care too much to tie his shoes either, meaning they easily fell off during his death throes. That raises the question though- why and was he in a rush to leave his home in the first place?
Speaking of which, another mystery we have- what was the homelife and social life of PPJD before his death? We can be confident he had a mom and dad who were living at the time, but were they aware their son had disappeared? Had the victim gone to school, or did he have any friends? I feel like he would be decently well known to some people considering he was in his late teens. However, he also said something that frustrated him was the lack of familial ties he made, so maybe he felt like a loner in his family.
Something also noticeable is that the note in itself is very eloquent and self-aware, and demonstrates excellent cursive. Judging by this, I think he likely he was well educated in his life, although it is unclear if he was home-schooled or went to public school.
Another theory I found was that some believed he may have come from a mental hospital. We've already discussed his concerning mental health earlier, so he might've run away from the hospital to do this act. It could also explain why he wasn't wearing shoes and hung himself with a bedsheet. I wonder if there were any psych wards around the area that lost a patient.
One sad theory I saw suggests that maybe, his mom and dad already found out about his suicide but simply decided to not report his identification. Not out of malicious intent, but rather to respect their son's wishes. He did make it really heart felt to them, and maybe they thought it'd be better if he was buried under John Doe and grieve privately. This'll tie in with another theory on his possible identity. Speaking of which...
Theories - Possible Matches
10/5/25 - I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM YOU SOME OF THE INFORMATION HERE IS NOW SEVERELY OUT OF DATE! I don't know when or if I'll update it, but all you need to know is that the 2nd person is NOT him. In fact, I don't know HOW I missed this, but he was actually identified as SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE this post was even made! No, really, look here! It's bittersweet, to be honest.
With speculation on the life of PPJD aside, let's get into two possible identities for this young man. Both are a bit older than his estimated age range, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't exclude them.
Bayard Cousins
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| Bayard William Cousins |
Bayard Cousins disappeared on February 1st, 1975, a mere 2 weeks before PPJD's discovery. He left his home and left a note for his parents telling them "not to worry about him", which inherently lead them to worry about him. Apparently there were "no issues" with him at the time.
This is an interesting possibility, as he has a similar chin and nose. He also has the same dark hair as the decedent. However, there are some inconsistencies. He reportedly had a scar on one of his fingers of an unknown hand, which was never reported for PPJD. He was a bit taller than him, and also had hazel eyes as opposed to brown eyes, like the Doe had. Hazel does have a kind of "green" tone to brown, but it's still a bit of a reach. Our second candidate is a lot more possible.
Charles Wallace Jr.
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| Charles Wallace Jr. |
This is one of the suggested identities most people seem most fascinated by, and so do I for reasons that'll be evident.
Charles Wallace Jr, from Tennnesse. was allegedly reported missing in 1975 at 19 (a little older than the Doe, but still close). He was said to have suffered from drug misuse and ran away from a center dealing with those problems.
Already you can see some similarities between Charles and the decedent; both have mental / drug problems and the reconstruction has some similarities. But this is where the story gets very interesting:
His mom actually heard about John Doe and decided to see if it could be her son. She travelled to Louisiana, looked at his body, and claimed that it was not her son. However.. the dental records for both PPJD and Charles were reportedly an EXACT match. Yep, they aligned. And yet, the mom said it was not him.
Now, either that is a wild coincidence, or there's more at play here. It's important to consider the body changes during the stages of death, so even if his face was recognizable, he may not have exactly resembled what he looked like in real life. Especially considering he hanged himself, which would've resulted in bruising and blood-shot eyes.
There are a few theories people have on this: Maybe his mom either didn't recognize his son due to postmortem differences, was in denial about it being her son even when she knew, or intentionally lied about not him not being Charles. This ties back to the bittersweet theory I mentioned earlier- about the parents wanting to respect his privacy and deciding not to identify him. Some also suspect she may not have claimed him because of a stigma around suicide at the time.
I think the Charles Wallace Jr. possibility could be re-examined considering the matching dentals can't be coincidence...there must be more than to this.
Overall Thoughts
Well...this was a tough one.
The case of PPJD is a highly tragic one that highlights the mind of a likely mentally ill teenager, and how it felt he could get no help. Reading and writing his story made me feel crestfallen and empathetic. It's especially heartbreaking he felt so loathing and hating of himself he thought he didn't even deserve to be known in death.
This actually raises an important discussion point-...is it worth it to identify PPJD? He himself has no desire to be identified, and his last known paragraph points to the fact nothing bad would arise if he were to remain unidentified. Would it be respectful for us to keep on trying to identify him, or would that be disrespecting his wishes? I believe everyone deserves to be buried under the name, but what if they don't want to? Especially if they were mentally ill? I'll let you decide.
Regardless on if we ever do figure out his identity, the suicide note highly touches me and makes me wish he could've gotten the proper help he needed before he decided to kill himself. Keep in mind this was in 1975, years before we started to make proper awareness, acceptance, and treatment of mental illnesses and disorders. He probably didn't feel he could reach any resources back then. In modern-day, maybe this young man could've gotten the help he needed before he did what he did. But it was not modern-day. And so, PPJD died, being the only one knowing of his identity. And maybe it'll be like that forever.
Why This Case Matters
Many people call suicide selfish or cowardly. This John Doe was aware of this as he referred to his suicide as an "arrogant act". While I understand the idea, I also feel it's a toxic viewpoint of it. Someone who commits suicide likely thought they had no where else to go, and they had truly reach their low point. It's not inherently someone's fault they want to kill themselves, and sadly there has been plenty of stigma towards some suicide victims. We can stop these stigmas by being more open and looking more into mental health beyond a superficial level.
Remember, mental health and illness are real. You can't snap out of being mentally ill. You're not alone. It takes, time, support, and help, but maturity and sensitivity can help people before they sadly resort to what this young man did. Suicide and suicidal ideation is more common than we think it is. But...it is preventable. If you and anyone you know seem to be showing signs of suicide...it's not too late to get help.
"Call or Text or Chat the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 any time of day. The Lifeline provides free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones."
I would like to end this with some of the most touching and heartbreaking lines from his note:
"Ask thoroughly about what I was and you will see that it is not tragic that I am gone but more natural than if I continued."
"I am extremely grateful for all of your sacrifices, time and support. I am now repaying you with an arrogant act. In this light, I do see it as criminal."
"I am a bomb of frustration and should never marry or have children. It is safest to defuse the bomb harmlessly now."
"Do not deprive them of the hope that their "missing" son will return. Let me be, let it be as if I wasn't ever here."
"I am not sad or see this as tragic. I feel a release. This is the only way I know to attain harmony."
- Plaquemines Parish John Doe (1975)
Rest in peace, Plaquemines Parish John Doe. Even if you didn't feel like it, you were always loved, even during death.
SOURCES & FURTHER READING
Bayard Cousins:
- ninesevenpotatoes, 2025
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