Self-Reflection (Beginning of August Update)

August has begun, so I think it’s about time I go on an update on where I’ve been mentally, and what I hope for this last month. Im going to try my best to keep this coherent since I have a bad habit of making these things pretty unsorted when I don’t think thoroughly. I’m going to start with this thought, which I’m going to (loosely) try and answer by the end: I’m human. And a teenager, I need to accept both of those facts. So why exactly is it so hard for me to accept that?

WHERE I AM WORK-WISE 

It’s probably best if I start with concrete things, such as my reading goal, First of all, I unfortunately have to admit I didn’t finish WOBW, despite being close to the end. I think I just tuned it out because I started it when school was still in session. I might finish it one day, and I still have to say, it’s a great book. I also already finished the Unteachables. And just today, I finished AGGGTM, my Summer reading book. It was also spectacular mystery book, and Im glad I chose to read it for school. I’m also almost done with said assignment for that, so schoolwork in general can now be on the back burner…until the 26th.

I’m going to try and find one more book to read this summer- probably a shorter one (<250) since AGGGTM was nearly 400 pages long! (It took me a month.) If you have any suggestions please feel free to tell me.

ART FIGHT

That’s for school work. For personal work, like art and animation, here’s where I am. First of all, still no new laptop…might take this entire year for it, but I’m willing to wait. Also, Art Fight was great. I did run into some burnout in the end (and I’ll elaborate more on that later), but I was able to make 45 attacks, all I put great effort into. I also received around 35 defenses, all from talented artists and friends that I’m super grateful for. I obviously couldn’t do everything this year, but that is because I’m a teenager who works by himself. And hey, there’s always next year. I bet 17 year old me is going to be even better than me right now! In…a lot of aspects hopefully, not just art. 

MY GAME

I unfortunately can’t speak much about this one, because I haven’t announced it, but I have been adamantly working on this passion project for most of this summer, and I’m at a great point at it right now, and a good friend of mine is helping a lot. I am slowing down a bit on it right now- not for burnout, but to prevent burnout. After all, with a whole month of summer left, I don’t want to be doing the same thing every day on it. Now we can get into some more personal and subjective stuff relating to my mental status and some goals for myself.

I BEGAN OFF AUGUST PRETTY STUPID

Ok, before I can elaborate on that headline, you need to understand basically I let one of my biggest flaws take over again: my inability to shut my mouth and think things through. The thing is, I’m smart. I’m going to be blunt, I think of myself as smart. At least, book smart however. When it comes to emotional intelligence, things can go awry. I’m scared to admit that at times I can come across as impulsive or childish, but it’s true. I want to better regulate my emotions, by thinking things through and having a better sense of empathy. When I do think those things through, I can be emotionally mature and respectful. When I don’t and I let that immature side of me push through common sense, that’s when I mess up. I think this quality is more prominent online because I can forget these are real people, not just profile pictures. That’s an important lesson in general- online life is still life. And it should NOT take over my life.

Anyway, now that you know about that, I still need to explain that headline. What happened is that I said something pretty insensitive because of a petty detail only I would care about. I deleted the message once I was admonished for it, but I couldn’t help but reflect on that and think “Hm. Dumping all your angry feelings like that over petty things probably isn’t healthy for your emotional wellbeing.” So guess what I did? I ranted about my toxic traits to (REDACTED WEBSITE)…the exact same thing I was worrying about. If I’m being honest I don’t even fully remember what I posted even though it was like, 2 days ago, but it’s probably for the best I don’t because I remember feeling ashamed seeing the first comment on it, although I deserved it. I decided to log off, and I’ll probably delete that post in future for my dignity (although I am debating on if that’d be cowardly), but for now, I should forget that and instead focus on what else happened.

[UPDATE, 8/5 - I just decided it'd be best for my dignity if I DID delete the post! Initially I worried it'd cowardly, and I do feel a bit shameful, but I've come to realize there's no point feeling the guilt I put in that rather childish post anyway. I need to move on and find better emotional sources for myself regardless. Usually it's best just to clear up your digital footprint.]

I remember after that I just had the most unhinged rant to my friends in (OTHER REDACTED WEBSITE) and after that, I realized again- maybe this dependency on others knowing my victim mentality isn’t healthy. So I decided to log off (ORD) as well. And now I’m making a commitment- I’m going to try and avoid (ORD) in general until Friday or Saturday. (For reference, I’m writing this on Monday, it’ll probably release on Tuesday) While I know it’s healthy to be emotionally vulnerable at times, I think during that meltdown I forgot it’s unhealthy to be emotionally vulnerable to the point you just embarrass yourself. In fact I think a while ago I gave my friend advice “the internet and anger usually don’t mix.” I really have to stop forgetting my own moral values.

MY GENERAL GOALS

Ok, venting over, what else do I want to do for my emotional and mental wellbeing? First of all, I want to loathe myself a lot less. Despite everything I just ranted about, I also remember if I don’t have faith in myself and continue my victim mentality, then I will get no where regardless, going against my want for self improvement. 

I remember in my rant I mistakenly said “I don’t think I can get rid of my toxic traits”- which…just SCREAMS fixed mindset. And I think I tricked myself into thinking I was showing a growth mindset because I also added “I can mitigate them”- which is true, but thinking I can’t rid them in general is just stupid. I wasn’t born with these traits. And I think mitigating them and getting rid of them are actually the same thing. We all inherently have traits like being selfish or hypocritical- but when we don’t indulge in them and instead focus on growing our positive traits, that mitigates them- almost making it seem like they aren’t there. Sure, they could pop up once in a while, but as long as it’s not a pattern and just honest mistakes, than that’s ok.

So what steps will I actually take to improve this and be more mindful? The most obvious one would be decreasing my internet time and using said time wisely. I feel like I should indulge myself into more positive or constructive content that helps me mentally, from YTbers like Psych2Go, Kiana Docherty, or . (Even maybe..Jonochrome. Kinda.) After all, if I hear more positivity, I’m more likely to spout more positivity, and decrease my chance of letting incidents like I mentioned earlier happening.

It also means I’ll be trying to watch less YT, and instead watch more stuff I can enjoy…I’ve been getting really into ATLA for instance, and I think at the rate I’m going I’ll be able to be partway through Chapter 2 by the end of Summer. This also ties back into what I said about taking a full break from that website. I want to be less dependent on social media in general, and appreciate the beauty of being by myself…and touching grass. 

For other things I plan on doing, I think I’m gonna remind myself to make more blog posts and journal more. After all, if I don’t find an outlet for my emotions in the first place, they’re just going to take over again. I will also try to talk to my friends more in general…my real friends, not just my online friends. I think I forgot what human interaction was and why we value it. 

I’m probably going to be seeking other sources to be more mindful of my surroundings and aware of my temperament. I want to indulge in more feelings of being proud and satisfied. No one wants to be bitter and ungrateful. This also ties into me trying to overthink less and stop being such a perfectionist when it comes to my work. Sometimes you just…have to do it, and accept what you can do and can’t do as long as it’s your best effort. If you force yourself to not accept that and just want more of yourself and others- you’ll never be satisified and downright miserable. I’m gonna remind myself that more…Take your time and enjoy yourself. Maybe I’ll write this down and place it on my wall!

[SECOND UPDATE- Another goal I had to distance myself online in general was to do chores, like clean and sort dishes. It was therapeutic.]

PERSONALITY TEST

Yknow I talk a lot about emotions taking over in this post. This ties into something that happened shortly after that meltdown- I decided to retake the Myers Brigges personality test. For the longest time, it told me I was INTP-T. Like, since 7th grade. But my latest test…said I was INFP-T. Had I actually shifted my personality that much? Everything remained the same…except I went from prioritizing thinking to emotional reasoning. To be fair it was only by like, 3%, and I might’ve been biased in the moment, but I still find it interesting. And it’s probably why most of my issues do center around my emotional regulation in general. But that was an issue I had when I was an INTP to…I don’t know, I have to admit I don’t always have the answer. 

But I can accept that I was born me. I became me. And I need to accept me. Warts and all. I don’t have to let who I worry I could be dictate me. I keep telling myself I will be better, so it’s time I start taking proper steps to be better. Even small steps, like being thorough with my emotions and remembering to go outside can help me in the long run. It’s probably a good thing I get control of myself this August especially- because schools around the corner and I’m gonna need to remember who I am before I lose myself forever, and become the monster I never wanted to be.

CONCLUSION

This is getting long, so I think I’ll wrap it up here. I’m not expecting any advice (in fact I just shouldn’t expect a lot in general), but if you did bother to read through these angst thoughts all the way through, thank you. And as for that question I began with, the answer…is not obvious. I can only go so far to try and understand who I am, but I can go just as far trying to make sure who I am is the best I can be. Someone who aspires to make people happy, to be independent and live a happier, fulfilling life. In general, for you- keep on going, and be specific about where you want to go. Love you!

- Ninesevenpotatoes, 2026

End of 2025 Reflection

"It's not over. It's just beginning! [...] As long as you remember all the terrific things you did the past year honey, you didn't miss a thing. That's what New Years Eve is really about!"

 - Grandma Thora, "Arthur's New Year's Eve"

DISCLAIMER: This might not be the most developed, sorted, or even coherent, but I will promise it'll be written from an honest perspective. It's more or less going to be a more filtered diary-entry. Yes, I have a diary. I'll talk about that later.

Welp. 2025 has at last come to a close. It seems this year has gone by so fast and so slow at the same time.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. 2025 was one of the most turbulent, angsty years of my life...mostly in the latter half. It could be somewhere between 2022 (the year I found out what it means to be an asshole) and 2024 (the year I finally started high school). Why exactly? Well...y'know...actually, you don't know. Lemme just dump as much as I can.

[UNSORTED ANGSTY TEEN OPINIONS]

As always, it was a year of self-discovery and self-growth, but I also felt this year felt...bloated. Like, a lot more convoluted then last year, or the year before. And it makes sense, given that I'm expanding what I'm doing and I'm in 10th grade now. Next year, in fact, I'll be in 11th grade, closer to graduating.

Speaking of which, high school has been truly feeling like high school now. 9th grade was pretty average, but now, I'm struggling a lot more with the workload, which is disorienting my mind. I've participated in more clubs, which I guess is cool. Math is my best subject, but I hate factoring. Science is my favorite subject, but stoichiometry can suck a HORSE CO-

I also read possibly my favorite book in English, being Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. It really resonated with me and I might make a future post discussing why I loved it. Speaking of speaking, I felt this sophomore year I was a bit more vocal and confident than usual. I was able to get out of my shell more, but I'm still staying in it for a while.

The same applies for my online life; as you know, I did Art Fight this year, and I loved it. I met new friends, and in imitated some of my art style evolution and influenced me to share more of my art online. I feel my art style got so much better this year, and I'm glad I'm being recognized for it. Of course though, sometimes what I draw does drive me insane. (P.S. My mom gave me a sketchbook this year. Thank you.)

If I'm being honest, I don't actually know at all what I'm going to be doing with my life. I think this year was when it really started to dawn on me how close I am to adulthood. I'm considering college, but I don't know if I'm ready for it. I kind of wish I was.

In fact, I'm not ready for a lot of things. If there's something I learned this year, it's that the hardest step is always the first one. I remember during my 9th grade year, my main goal was to "take the initiative", and I was able to take some small steps. I even made a new friend this year. I'm planning on hopefully applying that even more this sophomore year, even though I'm admittedly drained.

I got humbled a LOT this year by the way. Mainly online. Sometimes I feel bad for the fact everyone has to deal with me, for as much as I complain to myself about dealing withing everything.

If I'm being honest (again), I don't have the best self-esteem. I have trouble feeling proud or accepting people liking me because the one person I can't trust is myself. I feel like more people dislike me than I feel there are...when in reality, there's probably less people that dislike me more than I feel there are.

...right?

There are people who accept me, but I don't know how to accept myself, if I'm perfectly honest. I always wish to change, but I just feel bounded and dejected whenever I inevitably mess up. I want to learn. I want to be more open with others. I don't know how I can do that. 

It's like I have this weird preoccupation with searching for what I don't like about myself, and what I don't like about my life. I don't like that mindset. I wish I could be more grateful, more accepting, more- no, less blunt. I remember my English teacher has called me "brutally honest", which I'm only half-proud of. I want to be truthful, but I don't like to be shamed, or to hurt others. And that's happened multiple times this year. Maybe instead of being "brutally honest", I should aim to be..."gently honest".

Is that possible?

I'm not into resolutions. But I will outline that next year, I hope to be a lot more willful and lock in with what I want to do. I can't do everything, after all. I have to take it step by step. I also want to be more open and outdoor, as it could help clear my busy mind.

WAIT!

Before we close off for real...I wonder, what did 14 year old me have to say to me? I made this letter to myself about a year ago on a YT short.

[ahem]

"Dear A.A.

I don't know when you'll re-read this, if you'll re-read this, or if you'll like re-reading this, but I do have to say this. I understand that at this moment your life may not be ideal. You're struggling with your emotional stability, barely can get out of your comfort zone, and are hard on yourself. Not to mention you also have inconsistent priorities and are scared of what's happening in the world right now. It may seem like there's not much you can do. But please remember and understand that just because it's not going well right now never means it's not going to go well at all. Your at the core time of your life- an adolescent freshman who's constantly learning more about himself and others. It's easy to shame yourself because of stuff you mess up now, and I agree- it's terrifying to think about the future. We can't change the past, so that's anxiety inducing- but we can change the future, so that's also anxiety inducing. Take a moment and just think about where you are now, who you used to be, and who you CAN be.

It's so easy to get into a vicious cycle of stress and feeling alone- that you're failing everyone around you. But I promise you, there are people who care about you. You can care about yourself. You can care for others. Focus on your strengths, and keep up what you're good at. All the amazing things you can and have done reveal your true character. The person you definitely want to be. What matters most about adolescence isn't achieving greatness in the end- it's becoming a better person and developing your character. And each week, month, season, you improve yourself in small progress. Each year you try hard- and as much as you do that, you still mess up frequently. That's ok. Take what you screw up not to self-hate yourself- but a reminder your imperfect, and can still improve yourself. You will make it by the end of high school. You will make it by your 20s. You will make it during the rest of your life. Keep trying your best, and help- not only others, but yourself.

Sincerely,

A.A."

*sniff*

...thank you. (Er-...me.)

Closing Off

I know this isn't really a proper "conclusion" to this post. All of the issues I've written are still with me.

I am still lost. I am confused, maybe even an idiot at times. I can be smart, I can be proud, I can be loud and ashamed. I'm on my way to adulthood, finding who I am. I can hurt, or be hurt. I am somebody. Sometimes I can be a nobody. Maybe I need help. Maybe...maybe- no, I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know if this will be forever.

But... I will always be me...so it's bittersweet. I'm glad it's that. Because in reality, for as long as I live, my story will not have an end for a while.

Hopefully, a long while.

I don't have anything clever or inspirational to really end this with. And that's ok. All I have to simply have to say is... Thank you all so much. See you next year.

- ninesevenpotatoes, 2025...for one last time

The Melancholic Mindset of the Teen in the Tree

(Today's going to be a bit heavy...)

WARNING: This post discusses sensitive content regarding suicide and mental illness. Viewer discretion advised!

The timing on this post is actually coincidental, as September is National Suicide Awareness Month.

To any reader who may suffer from suicidal ideation or self-harm, please reach out for help. It's okay not to be okay, and it takes a team effort to get help. No matter how hard it is. You are strong and didn't come into this world just to hurt yourself. Learn more in the "Why This Case Matters" section. <=) - 97

Most of my true crime posts end up heartbreaking because a victim unfairly died, doesn't have their identity back, or their killer has evaded capture. Maybe some combination of all three. But in this post, you'll be feeling gut wretched because of a single suicide note. It's one of the most depressing and touching John Doe cases I've read about.

I would also like to preface I am not suicidal, nor have expressed extreme desire to hurt myself. There have been especially low points in my mental health, but overall, I don't think I'm in crisis. This case mainly hits hard for me not just at the fact this boy died by suicide, but mostly how he described himself. 

This is the case of Plaquemines Parish John Doe (1975), also known as Belle Chase John Doe.

Plaquemines Parish John Doe (195? - 1975)

To Tree or Not to Tree

Belle Chase, Plaquemines Parish, Louisiana. On Valentine's Day, a couple were driving through the woods on a road between Highway 23 and Mississippi River. That's when they discovered a terrible sight- someone hanging from a tree. Upon calling authorities, it was found it was a man hanging from a persimmon tree to be specific. He had tied a bed sheet into a slipknot and hung himself.

Contemporary image of a wooded area in Belle Chasse, similar to where the decedent was found

He was estimated to be White and in his late teens, around 16 to 18, 6', and about 150 to 160 pounds. He had only been dead for a few hours. He had short brown hair and brown eyes, with a slight buck tooth.

He was also fully clothed, wearing a maroon and yellow long-sleeved Puritan knit shirt. He also had a brown belt with blue Arrow pants. Interestingly enough he wore mismatched socks, one gray and one dark blue. And even more strangely, he wasn't wearing shoes.

Puritan shirt similar to what PPJD was presumably wearing (not actual clothing or approximation)

The other noticeable thing at the scene was a jar filled with note paper, which revealed itself to be a lengthy 4-paged suicide note addressed to his parents. The content of the note proved to be absolutely melancholic, and revealed the tragic mindset of the suicidal teenager. Keep a box of tissues nearby as we read it.

(Note that not all of the note was released by the police.)

In His Own Words

"Mom and Dad,

You have provided be excellent advantages and privileges and experiences. I am extremely grateful for all of your sacrifices, time and support. I am now repaying you with an arrogant act. In this light, I do see it as criminal. I can only hope that you see that it was me who caused it. I never did develop into a real person and I cannot tolerate the false and empty existence I have created. It is best if I cease to live, quietly, than risk that later I will break and shatter by violence or linger years under care. I implore you to see a psychiatrist in order that you might understand my death and my life. Ask thoroughly about what I was and you will see that it is not tragic that I am gone but more natural than if I continued. 

I was born with a definite pervasive melancholy. What frustrated me most in the last year was that I had built no ties to family or friends. There was nothing of lasting worth and value. I led a detached existence and I was a parody of a person-literally and figuratively. I didn't tell jokes-I was a joke. I am a bomb of frustration and should never marry or have children. It is safest to defuse the bomb harmlessly now. I do not want to bother with being a "reformed and cured" person limping through life. I am this self-centered.

I have wanted to do this for over a year. I am not sad or see this as tragic. I feel a release. This is the only way I know to attain harmony. I was a withdrawn baby who became an unpleasant, withdrawn person. I have convinced myself and others that I am not capable of being an asset to society. I am no longer interested in the world and know that it is not interested in me. When you stop growing you are dead. I stopped growing long ago."

That last line was cited from philosopher and psychologist Emile Durkheim's writing, then added this note for authorities:

"You are bound to preserve domestic peace and order. If you pursue who I was (and spend hundreds of dollars) you will accomplish little. There are no legal consequences of my death or any kind of entanglements. All that can happen is that you will shatter the domestic peace and order of two innocent lives. Do not deprive them of the hope that their "missing" son will return. Let me be, let it be as if I wasn't ever here. Simply cremate me as John Doe."

- Plaquemines Parish John Doe (1975).

Only known picture of his actual suicide note

Well, do you suddenly feel like bawling your eyes and wishing you could hug him? I did.

A Cry-Worthy Case

Unfortunately, aside from the facial reconstruction, his description, and what was released of the suicide note, it's unlikely this case will actually be solved for two reasons:

First of all, all reports, records, and documents from this case were tragically lost and presumably destroyed in a hurricane. There have been no report anything from the case survived from the Plaquemines Parish Sherriff's Office or Coroner's Office. (Some speculate this to be "divine intervention".)

Secondly, as requested, he was cremated, then buried in an unmarked grave at a cemetery in Gretna, meaning his body has been lost and his DNA is unavailable. 50 years later, and PPJD remains unidentified. And it may be like that forever. His parents he delivered the note to are likely deceased as of writing. And with that, the heart-aching mystery of PPJD remains open. As a result...we are left to speculate.

Theories - Suicide Note & Mental Health

So, with what the suicide note reveals on the mind of PPJD, there have been many theories on his life, death, and possible identities. I'm going to go through some of the most interesting ones, ranging from minor to shocking.

Let's start by further speculating about PPJD's mental and emotional wellbeing. I feel there was a good chance PPJD was suffering from a mental illness or disorder at the time of his death. We obviously can't officially diagnose PPJD based off a suicide note alone, but considering the language he used and his suicidal ideation highly suggests he had something, most likely depression. I mean..."I was born with a definite pervasive melancholy."

Many believe he also may have had disorders which often have a byproduct of depression or self-loathe, such as autism. Lines about his suggested explosive behavior like "I will break and shatter by violence" could suggest he had mood swings resulting from say, bipolar disorder. Many people suspect he had these conditions. His self-isolation could hint at anti-social traits as well.

Some other theories people suspect is that he may have been someone of the LGBTQ+ community and was felt like a freak for this. Some also think he may had more serious conditions, such as being psychopathy, sociopathy, or schizophrenia. He also could've indulged in drug misuse. I feel these are interesting theories, but there's not as much weight behind them to be likely compared to the other illnesses I mentioned. If we find out more about the life, we could figure stuff like this out.

Theories - His Life & Death

Now let's get into some ideas on what happened to PPJD, since the actual details of his death are cryptic. You may recall one weird detail upon discovery was that the boy was only found in his socks, and no shoes were recovered. Why this is was unclear; there's no reports of signs he walked to the tree he hung himself in his socks, as I feel they would be very dirty or murky. And it's also just a weird decision because the rest of his body was clothed.

One theory I briefly read online explains that maybe he had wore shoes as travelling, but the shoes were lost during what is known as "death throes", or more scientifically, "cadaveric spasms". This is basically during the very last stages of life where the body begins to violently shake or twitch, often after the victim has lost consciousness. It's possible his death throes as he asphyxiated from hanging himself resulted in his shoes falling into the murky water below him, and they weren't recovered.

I think that also could tie into a theory I made myself- that the boy might've left his house in a rush. I feel like the different socks thing isn't even that weird; I frequently wear mismatched socks, and I bet you have done that too. Often while rushing. So maybe he just absent mindedly chose incorrect socks while dressing up, and during his rush he didn't care too much to tie his shoes either, meaning they easily fell off during his death throes. That raises the question though- why and was he in a rush to leave his home in the first place?

Speaking of which, another mystery we have- what was the homelife and social life of PPJD before his death? We can be confident he had a mom and dad who were living at the time, but were they aware their son had disappeared? Had the victim gone to school, or did he have any friends? I feel like he would be decently well known to some people considering he was in his late teens. However, he also said something that frustrated him was the lack of familial ties he made, so maybe he felt like a loner in his family.

Something also noticeable is that the note in itself is very eloquent and self-aware, and demonstrates excellent cursive. Judging by this, I think he likely he was well educated in his life, although it is unclear if he was home-schooled or went to public school.

Another theory I found was that some believed he may have come from a mental hospital. We've already discussed his concerning mental health earlier, so he might've run away from the hospital to do this act. It could also explain why he wasn't wearing shoes and hung himself with a bedsheet. I wonder if there were any psych wards around the area that lost a patient.

One sad theory I saw suggests that maybe, his mom and dad already found out about his suicide but simply decided to not report his identification. Not out of malicious intent, but rather to respect their son's wishes. He did make it really heart felt to them, and maybe they thought it'd be better if he was buried under John Doe and grieve privately. This'll tie in with another theory on his possible identity. Speaking of which...

Theories - Possible Matches

10/5/25 - I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM YOU SOME OF THE INFORMATION HERE IS NOW SEVERELY OUT OF DATE! I don't know when or if I'll update it, but all you need to know is that the 2nd person is NOT him. In fact, I don't know HOW I missed this, but he was actually identified as SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE this post was even made! No, really, look here!  It's bittersweet, to be honest.

With speculation on the life of PPJD aside, let's get into two possible identities for this young man. Both are a bit older than his estimated age range, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't exclude them.

Bayard Cousins

Bayard William Cousins

Bayard Cousins disappeared on February 1st, 1975, a mere 2 weeks before PPJD's discovery. He left his home and left a note for his parents telling them "not to worry about him", which inherently lead them to worry about him. Apparently there were "no issues" with him at the time.

This is an interesting possibility, as he has a similar chin and nose. He also has the same dark hair as the decedent. However, there are some inconsistencies. He reportedly had a scar on one of his fingers of an unknown hand, which was never reported for PPJD. He was a bit taller than him, and also had hazel eyes as opposed to brown eyes, like the Doe had. Hazel does have a kind of "green" tone to brown, but it's still a bit of a reach. Our second candidate is a lot more possible.

Charles Wallace Jr.

Charles Wallace Jr.

This is one of the suggested identities most people seem most fascinated by, and so do I for reasons that'll be evident.

Charles Wallace Jr, from Tennnesse. was allegedly reported missing in 1975 at 19 (a little older than the Doe, but still close). He was said to have suffered from drug misuse and ran away from a center dealing with those problems. 

Already you can see some similarities between Charles and the decedent; both have mental / drug problems and the reconstruction has some similarities. But this is where the story gets very interesting: 

His mom actually heard about John Doe and decided to see if it could be her son. She travelled to Louisiana, looked at his body, and claimed that it was not her son. However.. the dental records for both PPJD and Charles were reportedly an EXACT match. Yep, they aligned. And yet, the mom said it was not him.

Now, either that is a wild coincidence, or there's more at play here. It's important to consider the body changes during the stages of death, so even if his face was recognizable, he may not have exactly resembled what he looked like in real life. Especially considering he hanged himself, which would've resulted in bruising and blood-shot eyes.

There are a few theories people have on this: Maybe his mom either didn't recognize his son due to postmortem differences, was in denial about it being her son even when she knew, or intentionally lied about not him not being Charles. This ties back to the bittersweet theory I mentioned earlier- about the parents wanting to respect his privacy and deciding not to identify him. Some also suspect she may not have claimed him because of a stigma around suicide at the time.

I think the Charles Wallace Jr. possibility could be re-examined considering the matching dentals can't be coincidence...there must be more than to this.

Overall Thoughts

Well...this was a tough one.

The case of PPJD is a highly tragic one that highlights the mind of a likely mentally ill teenager, and how it felt he could get no help. Reading and writing his story made me feel crestfallen and empathetic. It's especially heartbreaking he felt so loathing and hating of himself he thought he didn't even deserve to be known in death.

This actually raises an important discussion point-...is it worth it to identify PPJD? He himself has no desire to be identified, and his last known paragraph points to the fact nothing bad would arise if he were to remain unidentified. Would it be respectful for us to keep on trying to identify him, or would that be disrespecting his wishes? I believe everyone deserves to be buried under the name, but what if they don't want to? Especially if they were mentally ill? I'll let you decide.

Regardless on if we ever do figure out his identity, the suicide note highly touches me and makes me wish he could've gotten the proper help he needed before he decided to kill himself. Keep in mind this was in 1975, years before we started to make proper awareness, acceptance, and treatment of mental illnesses and disorders. He probably didn't feel he could reach any resources back then. In modern-day, maybe this young man could've gotten the help he needed before he did what he did. But it was not modern-day. And so, PPJD died, being the only one knowing of his identity. And maybe it'll be like that forever.

Why This Case Matters

Many people call suicide selfish or cowardly. This John Doe was aware of this as he referred to his suicide as an "arrogant act". While I understand the idea, I also feel it's a toxic viewpoint of it. Someone who dies by suicide likely thought they had no where else to go, and they had truly reach their low point. It's not inherently someone's fault they want to kill themselves, and sadly there has been plenty of stigma towards some suicide victims. We can stop these stigmas by being more open and looking more into mental health beyond a superficial level.

Remember, mental health and illness are real. You can't snap out of being mentally ill. You're not alone. It takes, time, support, and help, but maturity and sensitivity can help people before they sadly resort to what this young man did. Suicide and suicidal ideation is more common than we think it is. But...it is preventable. If you and anyone you know seem to be showing signs of suicide...it's not too late to get help.

"Call or Text or Chat the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 any time of day. The Lifeline provides free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones." 

I would like to end this with some of the most touching and heartbreaking lines from his note:

"Ask thoroughly about what I was and you will see that it is not tragic that I am gone but more natural than if I continued."

"I am extremely grateful for all of your sacrifices, time and support. I am now repaying you with an arrogant act. In this light, I do see it as criminal."

"I am a bomb of frustration and should never marry or have children. It is safest to defuse the bomb harmlessly now."

"Do not deprive them of the hope that their "missing" son will return. Let me be, let it be as if I wasn't ever here."

"I am not sad or see this as tragic. I feel a release. This is the only way I know to attain harmony."

- Plaquemines Parish John Doe (1975)

Rest in peace, Plaquemines Parish John Doe. Even if you didn't feel like it, you were always loved, even during death.

SOURCES & FURTHER READING

Unidentified Wiki

Wikipedia

Doe Network

Find a Grave

NamUs

Reddit

Medium - Madison Tramel

Bayard Cousins:

NamUs

Missing Wiki

Doe Network

- ninesevenpotatoes, 2025

Aliology: An Anger Analogy

(This comic will make sense once I get to the analogy.)

Random fun fact of the day: "I am angry!" In Spanish is "¡Estoy enojada!"

A few weeks ago, I was having a very frustrating day for reasons I won't explain, and I did some very rash things which I look back on with disappointment. However, one smart thing I did during that period was rant in my journal for a page.

Later, I mostly forgot about the morning and wanted to go to the library. It was closed earlier today and I didn't know. I overreacted to say the least and I regret it also. It wasn't even that bad in retrospect, but it's still kind of embarrassing to explain what I did, so I won't.

As I cooled down, I went to the bus stop and realized how dangerous impulsive rage really is. I usually take my anger out on objects, but in future, I could start lashing out on people or more valuable things, which isn't a healthy emotional regulation skill.

I remembered I drew a half jokey poster and put in my school about cheering yourself up when your having a bad day. It pictured a drawing of a frog eating flies.

So, I opened up my new sketchbook my mom bought me and drew what represented me at the moment.

By the end I was calmer and actually able to reflect and chuckle at my impulsive misbehavior. Then the bus arrived, and now I'm home.

I opened up my journal again and read through some of my angsty words. I mentally laughed again, and began writing again now from a better perspective. By the end of my reflection on the day, I figured this would be a good thing to blog about.

So ultimately, here's what I've learned:

Taking anger out on an object is still bad. But don't hold in all your frustration either, as that's just a replacement for being sad. Instead...

1) Allow yourself to feel these emotions, but don't outwardly express them in a harsh or possibly irreversible way.

2) Use some sort of calming strategy that doesn't involve violence. Drawing, journaling, taking a walk, you know the deal. You could even cry if you want. Or take it on something you know isn't valuable...like a pillow.

3) By the time your done with your meltdown, reflect on what your upset about. Is it actually that big of deal you thought it would be? Now solve the problem in a more reasonable manner.

And there you go! Note that this strategy is very variable depending on the type of person you are. But overall, it seems to be working for me. I'm still having trouble with my anger, but I hope I improve in the future with strategies like this.

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To end this post off, let me explain the actual anger analogy I entitled this post.

A small match is easy to ignite. But it's also very easy to put it out when you know what you're doing.

If you don't know what you're doing, that small match can start a fire...then erupt into an uncontrollable house inferno.

Even when it eventually dies out...there's still damage to that house. It might take a long while before it can be repaired. 

- A.A.

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Thanks for reading!

What would you like me to talk about next?

- ninesevenpotatoes, 2025